Face to Face With the Reality of Abortion


I had passed many times by this door.

My naive mind always wondered why a door in the middle section of a hospital ward would have a “NOT AN EXIT” sign on it.

“It should be obvious this is not an exit… it is right in the middle of a large a building… “ I thought.

It was next to one of the elevators of a large level-1 trauma county hospital and very close to the obstetrics ward.  Dozens of happy new mothers would pass by this door every week on the way home with a beautiful newborn baby in their arms.

It was the summer of 2000, and I was a 24-year-old newbie medical student on the surgical clerkship when the issue of abortion finally became as real as it gets.  It was time to rotate through the anesthesiology service as part of the surgical experience, and I was spending some time with a 2nd year anesthesia resident.  We were on our way to prepare the obstetrics operating rooms for scheduled C-sections that day.

“Hey, I’ll show you a neat short cut to the operating room…” he says.

He headed straight for the mysterious door with the puzzling sign on it, and we entered.

To my amazement it felt like I stepped into another world.  I just went from a noisy environment of sick patients, infections, trauma, alcoholism and other plagues associated with county hospitals, into a large pre-operative waiting room filled with a dozen young and healthy looking women dressed in hospital gowns.

The room was filled with a silence as thick as death itself.

“They are waiting to get their abortions done” he whispered to me as we hurried on our way.

My heart sank as I saw the nervous, worried and guilty looks on their faces.

A horrific big picture fell into place for me that morning.  A picture that is replicated thousands of times across America in slaughter houses called “family planning clinics.”

A few months later I returned to the “county” for my 2 month OB-Gyn clerkship, and during orientation the coordinator of the slaughter-house showed up.  To this day I remember her first and last name, her face, and the air of feminist liberation in her voice.

“We are excited you will spend a week with us in the abortion clinic where you will participate in these procedures which stand for freedom of choice for women” she said.

“God, how am I going to make it through a week of this…? God, help me exercise the faith You put in me… I don’t care if I fail this clerkship, but I know You will not let me participate in shedding innocent blood”

I raised my hand and I said:

“My faith in God precludes me from participating in abortion. I hope this will not interfere with my OB-Gyn clinicals…”

There were 5 med students on that rotation, and to my surprise a female student echoed my sentiment.  If I remember correctly she was a Catholic.

Imagine the shock on the abortion coordinator’s face when light (the mention of faith in God) penetrated the darkness in her heart.  She was hardened to the point where she could not understand why we did not accept the “greatest” achievement that has ever occurred in the feminist movement, the holy grail of their agenda- a woman’s right to terminate her baby.

“Why are you even here? Why are you wasting your talents and your education? Why can’t you have an open mind and accept what we deem right as a society?”

Thank God for another reasonable clerkship director who honored our request.  Not all Christians are quite so fortunate.  There are reports in the media of nurses who lost their job because they refused to participate in termination of pregnancy.  They underwent legal recourse and lost that too.

By the grace of God I spend one week there without participating in the murder of the unborn.  I spoke to many teen girls who were about to undergo abortion.  I even tried secretly, yet unsuccessfully, to show them other options.

Ultimately, God taught me a lesson as He turned an anxiety provoking situation into a blessing.  In the end I earned an “honors” grade in Ob-Gyn.

It was a lesson that God wanted to teach me.  To put my trust in Him, and He would deliver me against evil.

Psalm 84:12 “O LORD of hosts, blessed is the man that trusts in you.”

39 comments on “Face to Face With the Reality of Abortion

  1. Sometimes I wonder: How can a woman be so cold towards a procedure that terminates life?
    Some women have not had children, and therefore do not know that profound feeling when you first feel a child moving in your womb.
    Yet others have, and they still have no qualms about abortion anyways.

    thanks for sharing your story… and showing that it can be done – to stand against the shedding of innocent blood, i.e. abortion

  2. It is a sign of a very sick society. Our society has rejected God and consequently the truth that we are made in His image. We have devalued human life to the point that killing it when convenient to our careers, lifestyles, etc. is acceptable. One wonders at the irony of placing so much value on self that I will kill for basic convenience, without the outward recognition that if my own child’s life is so worthless, it speaks volumes to the value of other human life such as mine. I suspect that while it is not publicized, many people recognize this inwardly.

    A 160% increase in suicide rate would seem to be a good indicator:


    • Manuela, not only psychiatric problems, but a variety of physical problems have been associated with the population that has had abortions.

      These include breast cancer, other cancers, pain, future fertility problems, and potential complications in subsequent pregnancies.

  3. In high school, I had biology teachers who were professing Christians. One of the things they did in class, as hard as this is to imagine, was to show videos with ultrasounds of abortions. To watch on the ultrasound as a baby kicked and fought for its life while its limbs were ripped off and its body crushed and torn apart is not for the weak stomach. It would seem I’m not the only one to feel this way.


    Seeing this, one understands why the abortion industry fights so aggressively against women seeing ultrasounds before they have abortions.

    It goes without saying, Chris, that you were right not to participate in such atrocities….even if it had meant you spent the rest of your life digging ditches. Thankfully, by God’s grace, it didn’t mean that.

    • Matt, these ultrasounds are all the more evidence that these fetuses are PERSONS… miniature persons, but they are persons…

      I have seen photos of intrauterine fetal surgery where the baby grasps the surgeon’s finger… it’s amazing to see how the unborn baby interacts in such a way.

      Why can’t these abortion activists see the same things we are seeing?

    • They know they are killing people, they just don’t care. I believe it was the California Journal of Medicine that published back in Roe v. Wade days, that they knew abortion activists would lose if they made the fight about whether the unborn were human or not (since they obviously are human), and so it was necessary to make it a woman’s rights issue.

  4. Wow…this shook me up.

    I was listening to a sermon by Chuck Smith today and he was talking about the fall of Judah in 2 Kings. He explained that the people of Judah were involved in the worship sex and lust through the means of Asherim, the goddess of fertility. They would then transition to the worship of Molech where they would sacrifice innocent children.

    Our society does the same today…only it’s done in the womb!

    This brought to mind Ecclesiastes 1:9 – “That which has been is what will be, that which is done is what will be done, and there is nothing new under the sun.”


    • I think modern day “gods of fertility” are in-vitro specialists. Of all the fertilized eggs that attach for the IVF patient, abortion is inevitable to reduce the amount implanted. I’d say that’s Asherim & Molech working together in the womb.

      • Imagine my surprise when I first learned what a “reduction” was…

        “What’s this patient having?”
        “A reduction”

        Yes, they physically and randomly choose and pick out the “extra” embryos to avoid an octomom type of situation.

        Asherim and Molech… outstanding comment, Gia.

  5. I cannot even imagine this horror. Just reading the biology class description literally flooded me with tears. So dumbstruck at the horror of this action that words fail me.

    • Welcome here as a commentator Ligia, God bless you.

      I just want to echo your sentiment… I cringed when I learned they have such a procedure… To use an ultrasound to hunt a baby to her demise… Abhorring…

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  7. Chris, you were fortunate and blessed to be able to get an exemption. However, my concern is that it will be harder and harder for Christians to pursue the medical field down the road. Especially with Obamacare and a whole slew of other regulations that are coming down the pike.

    The other sad part is that we have such luke-warm Christians that very few are willing to stand up for their convictions. In order to not “rock the boat” and to have an easier life, many compromise on key issues.

    I believe that we are heading down an extremely slippery slope. I personally feel that anyone who has emigrated from a communist country or has immediate family members that have, are hearing red warning bells going off. Many of our parents/grandparents have been impacted and persecuted for their faith. Many of them weren’t able to pursue a higher education due to their faith and their unwillingness to compromise. Definitely not from a lack of intellect.

    In spite of all this, God continues to show His power and mercy and things usually work out. May God give us the strength to continue fighting the good fight and not be ashamed of the Gospel!

    • Welcome here Via! God has showed us tremendous grace to have these kind of opportunities in this country which unfortunately is becoming more ungodly with every passing year.

      As far as I am aware, at this time no school is forcing any medical student to do something they are morally uncomfortable with.

      But it is becoming a pressing issue as young doctors do not want to participate in abortions for various reasons…

      We will see what transpires in the future…

  8. All Glory be to God, I am so over the moon at this post, so stunned and excited, moved to tears, speechless. Praise God for your courage, you stood in the midst of the furnace yet came out not smelling like smoke. I love you and your steadfast faith and trust in God. “HONOURS” – well done, awesome. God bless you dearest child of God xxoo

  9. Praise The Lord for giving you the courage to speak up that day! Thank you for sharing this. If you have time to read it, I published a post recently, which is a testimony of my friend, who went through a high-risk pregnancy. She faced an incredible amount of pressure to terminate the pregnancy, but God gave her the courage to stand firm. Thank you for visiting my blog the other day … I truly appreciate it!

  10. I have no idea why I have become so prolife over the last while. I almost feel an urge in me to protect life. I have a lot of faith and am a Christian. I just don’t understand how anyone can think that it is okay to take a life no matter what the circumstances. I don’t understand how any person can believe that they will be ‘fine’ with that decision. No matter how you try to fool yourself, you have murdered a baby. I suppose how would you live with yourself if you didn’t tell yourself it is okay. Imagine looking at your reflection in the morning and admitting you are looking at a murderer. I believe that God does not make mistakes. And sends us messages in different ways. the loss of pure morality in the human nation is the underlying flaw. I just don’t get how a person performing such a task can say that they do it because it is their job and it is not a reflection of their own values. It unfortunately is. You wear your personal values in everything you do. I would struggle to accept any doctor or professional involved in anything of this nature. I wish, I pray that we can find a way to get this message across more strongly. How do we educate youngsters you are petrified that there is always another option and that the opinion if society is not important, only that of the Lord.

    • Ant, welcome to Delight in Truth, thank you for your comment. I echo your sentiments…

      The only way we can get our message across is through education. I hope that young women who are on the cusp about making such a decision as abortion will come across this site and read some of the articles about abortion… or that they will come across a Christian nurse or doctor who can show them that adoption is a wonderful option.

      Adoption of newborns is sought in our country tremendously as I personally know people who have done it and there are waiting lists for such.

      And then, the moral issue is so pressing… So sad that these abortion providers have such disregard for God’s creation…

  11. “We are excited you will spend a week with us in the abortion clinic” How vile! How do the words excited and abortion even appear in the same sentence? That must have been so difficult for you. Praise God for seeing you through! This has left a lump in my throat 😦

  12. I admire your response to that very difficult situation and would be glad to see many more doctors, nurses and other professionals do the same. I am glad you raised the subject, as it is an important one to discuss, even if it means emotions run a little high. I hope my late contribution is of use to someone else here.

    For those who have posed the question…if you want to know how a woman could do such a thing, you could ask one directly. Some of us are more than willing to be honest about our experience.

    It is one of the most horrendous things a woman can go through, and only the Lord himself can heal a person from the trauma of it. I know, I had one when I was a young adult. At the time, I was spiraling into a breakdown, and couldn’t even process the information about my “options”. I saw none, and with terrible dread every step of the way, went through with it, knowing it was an abominable thing to do, as my mum held my hand and bid farewell to her first grandchild.

    I have wept more than I could have ever imagined over this experience, and it certainly was very poignant when my first son was born a decade later. My two children are such an undeserved gift from the Lord, given the fact that I killed my first child.

    I share my story sometimes, as a support to others, and also to remind people that even Christians can backslide into terrible sinning and find themselves in this situation. There are options, and as Christians, abortion is not one of them. It is humbling when you look at the ten commandments and have to admit to all of them, murder included. Thankfully we have a merciful and gracious God, who washes us clean with the blood of his precious Son. From blood red to snowy white. The Lord has now healed me from that trauma, and forgiven me for that heinous sin. I pray that we can show the same compassion to others who have been through similar situations, without ever condoning the practice at any stage in a pregnancy.

    • First of all, thank you very much for opening up about your abortion. Your story is one of repentance and redemption and it is exactly the opposite of the the things we see at pro choice and anti life rallies. There we see women who are proud of their abortion. They wear t-shirts flaunting the message “I had an abortion.”

      It is amazing to see the work of the Holy Spirit which led to conviction after that awful trauma.

      I will use your story in a post if that is ok with you.

      God bless you, and welcome to Delight in Truth.

  13. You may use my story, and if you want anything clarified let me know (you can email me directly if you need to). I realized in reading your response that I have done my usual swan-dive into a conversation, not checking thoroughly where it is up to. 🙂

    What a wide variety of articles you have published on the topic of abortion, and what is happening in America! I have been aware of Planned Parenthood’s agenda for a while now but had not realised how bad it was getting until very recently. Planned Parenthood and similar organizations are preying on broken people as they pursue their agenda. Abortions here have been covered by our Medicare (public health) system for a while now. Perhaps it is quieter over here in Australia, or I am just missing the news more now that I have young children.

    I have spoken to many women over the years about their abortion experiences (an endless number, it seems). No matter what they have said, I have NEVER been convinced that they are okay with their decision. I see the same look in their eye when they defend their choice as I do when my gay friends defend theirs. In the past I joined with them as it allowed me to defend my own sinful choices, which I never truly believed to be okay, regardless of what came out of my mouth. In more recent years, I can see in their eyes the knowledge of their own sin, but a refusal to acknowledge it. Perhaps that is in part where the aggression is coming from? It is painful to acknowledge our sin and repent. That is something we forget to tell people. It truly breaks the heart. I understand why people resist it!

    As a 39 year-old mother of two wonderful kids with neurological disorders (Tourette’s Syndrome, ADHD and Asperger’s Syndrome) I am aware that they are an example of what some people would choose to abort if they knew ahead of time, because they aren’t genetically ‘perfect’. What a horrifying thought.

    I remember when I was pregnant with my second (i.e. my eldest now), I was asked to have testing for Down’s Syndrome. I asked why and the medical staff told me that it would enable me to decide whether I wanted to go ahead with the pregnancy. Well, you can imagine my shock a decade on from my own experience! Needless to say, I refused the testing and have encouraged many others to do the same.

    This kind of testing is often disguised as a neutral test that will simply warn parents ahead of time that their child will be disabled. I would argue that it is far more sinister than that. It is also very inaccurate testing…how parents have aborted perfectly healthy babies after being told of non-existent disabilities. I certainly know a few couples who had their babies delivered into their awaiting arms, expecting a child with Down’s Syndrome, only to be handed a perfectly formed baby. Imagine if…

    Thank you for the amazing work you do on behalf of the Lord Jesus and for the Body of Christ. I look forward to catching up on your articles and joining in the conversation where it currently is now!! Blessings to Christ, Sherryn

    • It is a pleasure to have you here, Sherryn! Much of this blog is dedicated to the pro life cause. It may be the #1 topic here in addition to various exhortations and advice for Christian youth.

      We also had a difficult experience with a triple screen that turned “positive.” But by faith we refused an aminocentesis and our second child was born a beautiful heathy girl!

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